Eating BonBons…


My mother moved to town.  The safe buffer that was over 1200 miles has dwindled to zero.

I cannot complain – so far it has been more help than hindrance (although I really would like to have my kitchen back in my possession).  She even conceeded that she owed me an apology for not calling her enough because being here she sees how busy I am.  “You don’t stop from morning to night.”

Back to the Bonbons…

My knee-jerk reaction was – What kind of free time did you think I had?

But I do appreciate the apology.  Because someone once told me that “I’m tired” is the catchphrase of the 21st century and having a child, a job, a house, a husband, dogs, maybe friends and a million leaves in the yard that just seem to multiply…  Yes.  “I’m tired” is my catchphrase.

The truth is – I’m still not yet sure how to arrange my time.  I want to spend as much time with my baby girl as possible.  But my control-freak, anxiety driven, charming characteristics kick in to over drive when she needs to nap but she’ll only nap if I hold her and while she’s napping there’s laundry, dishes, the above-mentioned fucking leaves, grocery shopping, vacuuming… The list goes on and on. So there’s not even a possibility of sleeping when the baby sleeps because I am in panic mode while she’s sleeping making lists in my head.  Fitting in there trying to keep in touch with friends and family, making new friends…   I do what I can.

I’m thinking I should have made birth announcements that came with a disclaimer – “I promise I really am busy and not just ignoring you.  Unless you keep harping on me and then I am ignoring you.”



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